Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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