I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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