my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
