dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
