i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
