You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
birth control should be required to get into college
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
