hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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