How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
