forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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