I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
