It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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