I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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