i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
