you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
