is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Where is the hickey?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
