I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
