im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
