She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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