I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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