So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
