Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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