it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
