matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
