chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
