Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
