I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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