i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
