my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
