I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
