she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
