My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
