I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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