3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
