its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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