Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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