Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hippo gnu deer
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
