He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dick very happy bro
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
