You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
