$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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