the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
