it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
