i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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