Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
