Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
