Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
