I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
