I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
