the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
