This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
