So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
