I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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