Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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