Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
