if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
