The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
