When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
