I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
